With the imminent threat of heatstroke, dehydration and 95 degree temperatures, I and thousands of other Chicago-area attendees put our health and physical safety on the line to see the Warped Tour, held in the First Midwest Bank Theater parking lot. Aside from the slip ‘n slide, the only accomdations made to attendees on hydration were two sets of water fountains already in the venue. With vendors hawking water for 3.75 a pop, it was not an odd sight to see EMTs rush into mosh pits to pick out kids affected by the heat.

What was both insulting and infuriating was the refrain of security: “”Guys, pound the water, it’s hot out.”" What was left unsaid was “”You’ll pound that 3.75 water because you don’t have other options.”" I didn’t even pay for water and I was insulted. I don’t know if this is in the kind of contract that Warped signs, thou shalt not undercut, but you’d think for a summer tour that professes to care about its customers, a price reduction on water would be first on the priority list.

Anyway… to the music we go:

THE SOUNDS performed first, and if it wasn’t for them playing the songs onstage, I’d have sworn at least three of the band members were sleeping standing up. Soon after that, was SAVES THE DAY, who brought a kick of adrenaline, or more likely about 4 shots of expresso, with them. THURSDAY came and went, and the fact that I can’t remember what happened during their set probably speaks to their performance.

After about an hour and a half, MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK came onstage to squeals that wouldn’t be rivaled, until, well, an hour and a half later when THE ACADEMY IS… would come on. The hits were played, along with “”Don’t Call it a Comeback,”" a personal favorite. Their performance in 2005 was an end-of-night show stopping affair that also happened to contain my dream setlist, so by comparison, this performance was a disappointment.

Shopping and complaning about the heat ensued. This would become a trend.

I couldn’t help but pick my jaw up off the floor when the bassist from THE LIVING END stood on his bass and played it. I didn’t pick it up until the end of their set, thanks to their old style punk rock. Who said punk is dead? At this point, I think I’m running out of positive adjectives to describe LESS THAN JAKE performances. They’re still the most engaging live band I’ve ever seen, and it was nice to be remdinded that hey, they’ve still got it live. Roger mentioned that last time they came to Chicago, their fans broke the floor of the House of Blues jumping around. This time, Roger said, “”Let’s break the parking lot!”" We probably did. Dear THE ACADEMY IS… your female fans can squeal at inhuman pitches. Gaaaah.

Jersey’s elder statesmen, THE BOUNCING SOULS played an entire set chosen by a member of their crew leaving that day. I could use adjectives, but all I remember is bouncing around like an eight year old after three lines of pixie stix when they played “”Kid.”" I hadn’t seen the band in 2 years, though it felt like much longer, and honestly, Greg still is not the consumnate frontman, but there’s still something about THE BOUNCING SOULS live that is a guarantee of an enjoyable performance.

Finally, the sun wasn’t beating down as much, and it might have even been pleasant. Of course, I wouldn’t know… I was in the press area drinking as much water as I could get away with.

Right after FROM AUTUMN TO ASHES finished performing to a packed auditorium, VAUX went right into “”Cocaine James”" and nailed it. Every note. Every inhuman howl. Maybe five kids stayed. So, it was me, a couple of fans and people for the next Vagrant band to watch VAUX writhe, snap and thrash like a rock and roll hydra. From what I understand of AGAINST ME!’s sets, seeing Tom Gabel with a smile on his face and a swagger in his step is unusual, but it didn’t appear that the trademark sweat-soaked, super high intensity had changed, so I’m not complaining.

You know you’re a popular band when the pit starts throwing shit in the air for five minutes straight and chanting your name. RISE AGAINST was that chant. And guess what they STARTED with? “”State of the Union.”" I haven’t seen Tim more animated in my years of watching RISE AGAINST. Tim blew out his voice on that song, and I’m sure there’s a vocal coach somewhere rolling their eyes and holding their head in their hands, but I certaintly didn’t mind. I’ll take RISE AGAINST onstage and playing like armageddon’s next week anytime.

As the sun went down, and the sweet, sweet sounds of “”Anywhere But Here”" graced my ears, I wondered if I could ever find a way to describe the feeling of seeing a band you’ve watched for three years close a festival on a stage they once were lucky enough to be bumped up to play on. Not that I can take any credit, but there’s something immensely satisfying about looking and seeing thousands of kids, where once stood a couple hundred.

Perhaps that’s what the Warped Tour is truly all about. No matter how Frankenstein-esque the annual tour gets with stranger and stranger sponsors (Circuit City, San Disk, Sony, the Army), it is the performances that keep people coming back, and with the talent they’ve got, Mr. Lyman will have my money for years to come.

- Unbalanced photo of AGAINST ME!’s Tom Gabel, taken by James Hepplewhite.